Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
