"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
