So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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