he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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