I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize