Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
