In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she smelled like a LAN party
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize