You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
