He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
