New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
