its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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