I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
