actually, I'm a sock model
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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