I got chris browned last night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
