He kissed a someone with a penis
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
