Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
