I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
