My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
