Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
