I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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