I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So. Much. Porn.
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