he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
