Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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