I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
