He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
