she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
