I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
