Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize