Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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