dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
