did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize