is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize