omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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