Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
