don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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