i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
