well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
