I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
