i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
