I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
