First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
