this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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