And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
