Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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