I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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