I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
