You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize