Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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