Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
