I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
