that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize