am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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