You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
