i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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