So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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