Whod you bang
I look better un-naked...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
