woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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