Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
