Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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