i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
