i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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