do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize