it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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