my mouth tastes like poor choices
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
