She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
