So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
