By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Houston, we have a squirter
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
